wow, i suck at photoshop. Next time I'll try my hand at MS Paint instead.
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
The Mexican maid asked for a pay increase. The wife was very upset about this and decided to talk to her about the raise. She asked: 'Now Maria, why do you want a pay increase?'
Maria: 'Well, Señora, there are tree reasons why I wan an increase. The first is that I iron better than you.'
Wife: 'Who said you iron better than me?'
Maria: 'Jor husband say so.'
Maria: 'The second reason is that I am a better cook than you.'
Wife: 'Nonsense, who said you were a better cook than me?'
Maria: 'Jor husband did.' Wife: 'Oh.'
Maria: 'The third reason is that I am better at sex than you in bed.'
Wife: (really furious now) 'Did my husband say that as well?'
Maria: 'No Señora... the gardener did.'
Wife: 'So how much do you want?'
Monday, September 6, 2010
A crusty old Marine Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted by a local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of extremely young idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant Major for conversation. “Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man. Is something bothering you?” “Negative, ma’am. Just serious by nature.” The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, “It looks like you have seen a lot of action.” “Yes, ma’am, a lot of action.” The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, “You know, you should lighten up. Relax and enjoy yourself.” The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner. Finally the young lady said, “You know, I hope you don’t take this the wrong way, but when is the last time you had sex?” “1955, ma’am.” “Well, there you are. No wonder you’re so serious. You really need to chill out! I mean, no sex since 1955! She took his hand and led him to a private room where she proceeded to “relax” him several times. Afterwards, panting for breath, she leaned against his bare chest and said, “Wow, you sure didn’t forget much since 1955.” The Sergeant Major said in his serious voice, after glancing at his watch, “I hope not; it’s only 2130 now.”
Sunday, September 5, 2010
Saturday, September 4, 2010
The Expendables (2010) - Directed by Sylvester Stallone
As far as testosterone-fueled, ass-kicking gore fests go, this movie does pretty well for itself. It's major draw comes from it's all-star cast of action movie heroes... it's even got a cameo by one austrian-born California governor, which was a pretty cool surprise to see. Despite being one of the better blockbuster popcorn flicks of the year, I still think this movie falls short on many measures of good filmmaking.
I feel like Stallone tried way too hard to show off his machismo... not only in his own egotistical way, playing the main character, the one who is also the leader of the gang of mercenaries who kills the most bad dudes, and gets the beautiful girl in the end, but this hulk like attitude shows throughout the entire movie. Between riding around on big, loud motorcycles, to tattoo parlors and mass murder and huge explosions, you really can't escape the feeling that you are in a thirteen year old boy's fantasy.